pag-ibig…
June 17, 2009
Ano ang pag-ibig?
Pag-ibig (romantic love). Mahirap unawain. Mahirap ipaliwanag. Mahirap bigyan ng kahulugan. Sa tingin ko, ito’y iyong matinding damdaming nadarama mo para sa isang taong gustung-gusto mo, hinahangaan mo, itinatangi mo. Laging siya ang laman ng isip mo at maging ng iyong mga panaginip. Kapag wala siya, hinahanap-hanap siya ng iyong paningin. Sa malayo, lagi mo siyang tinatanaw. Ngunit pag nariyan na siya, pag malapit na siya sa iyo, hindi ka mapakali at parang gusto mong umiwas. Mabilis ang tibok ng iyong puso tuwing nakikita siya at kapag kapiling mo na siya. Kakambal ng hindi mo makontrol na kabang iyon ang isang mahiwagang damdaming parang alon na lumulukob sa iyong dibdib na hindi mo maunawaan ngunit masaya’t masarap damhin. Ito na ang pag-ibig.
Kung nasuklian ng taong iyong mahal ang iyong pag-ibig, anong laking ligaya. Ngunit kung hindi, anong saklap, anong hapdi. Ironiko nga talaga ang pag-ibig – ito ang pinakamatamis na bagay na iyong mararanasan; gayundin naman, ito ang pinakamapait. Masaya ang taong nagmamahal at siya’y minamahal. Subalit kapag ang tao’y bigo, anong lupit para sa kanya ng mundo, anong sakit ang idinulot sa kanya ng kapalaran. At may nasisiraan pa nga ng bait o nagpapatiwakal dahil lamang sa kabiguan sa pag-ibig. Magkagayunman, anong sakit man ang dulot ng pagkabigo, dapat itong tanggapin. Kung hindi masuklian ang iyong pag-ibig ng iyong minamahal, di nangangahulugan na tapos na ang iyong nararamdaman para sa kanya… Kung tunay ang pag-ibig, kahit na nasaktan ka niya, mahal mo pa rin siya. Ito’y sapagkat ang tunay na pag-ibig ay di makasarili, di naghihintay ng kapalit. Kung ayaw niya sa iyo, kung di niya masuklian ang iyong pagmamahal, dapat tanggapin mo iyon, igalang mo ang kanyang desisyon. Hindi dapat ipagpilitan ang sarili. Pero di ibig sabihin na hanggang doon na lang ang iyong pagmamahal sa kanya. Kung totoo ang pag-ibig mo, di mo siya isusumpa, di ka magtatanim ng galit o poot sa kanya, di mo siya makakalimutan na parang walang nangyari sa inyo. Oo’t dapat nang tapusin ang relasyon ninyo kung ayaw na niya, ngunit kung tunay ang pag-iibigang namagitan sa inyo, di mawawala ang damdamin mo sa kanya (at siya sa iyo). May pagtangi pa rin kayo sa isa’t isa, matapos ang lahat-lahat sa inyong dalawa. Ito’y sapagkat minahal mo siya (at minahal ka niya) sa kung ’sino’ at ‘ano’ siya, sa pagiging ’siya’ niya, at hindi sa kung ano man ang isusukli niya sa iyo, sa kung anong makukuha mo mula sa kanya. Sa akin, ito ang tunay, ang pinakamataas na uri/lebel ng pag-ibig – mahal mo ang tao sa pagiging ’siya’ niya, at hindi dahil sa kung anuman ang maibibigay niya sa iyo o kung ano ang makukuha mo sa kanya.
Ideyal na romantic partner
Siya iyong tao na tatanggapin ako sa kung sino at ano ako. Anuman ang aking mga kapintasan at kamalian ay kanyang pagpapasensyahan. Ngunit di ibig sabihin na kunsintidor siya. Itatama niya ang mga mali ko, pupunan ang mga pagkukulang ko, sa paraan na di ako masasaktan at madarama ko ang kanyang katapatan at pagnanais na mapabuti ko pa ang aking sarili.
Siya rin siyempre iyong tao na ako lang ang mamahalin. Ako lang ang nag-iisa sa puso niya at hinding-hindi siya iibig sa iba. Gayundin naman, siya lamang ang tanging laman ng puso ko.
Siya ay isang mabuting kaibigan din. Kapag kailangan ko siya, nariyan siya palagi at handang tumulong. Kapag nabibigatan ang loob ko, nariyan siya upang ako’y pasayahin at pagaanin ang aking dinadala. Masarap at masaya siyang kasama. Gusto ko ng taong maganda ang pananaw sa buhay, positibo ang pagtingin sa mga bagay-bagay.
Hindi mahalaga sa akin ang panlabas na anyo, basta’t maganda ang kanyang kalooban. Wala sa akin ang mga materyal na bagay, ang mga nakikita ng mata. “What is essential is invisible to the eye,” wika nga. Ang mga nakikita ng mata ay lilipas, mawawala. Ngunit ang mabuting kalooban ay mananatili kailanman.
Mga kailangan para sa matagal na pagsasamahan
Ang susi sa matagal na pagsasama ay walang iba kundi tunay, tapat, at wagas na pagmamahal ng dalawang tao sa isa’t isa. At paano maipapakita ang tunay, tapat, at wagas na pagmamahal na ito? Narito ang ilang naisip ko na dapat gawin ng bawat isa:
Dapat tanggapin mo ang partner mo sa kung sino at ano siya. Ang anumang pagkukulang niya ay punan. Ang mga pagkakamali ay pagpasensyahan at iwasto kung kailangan. Ang mga kahinaan niya ay dapat handa kang tanggapin.
Gayundin, maging mapagmalasakit at maalalahanin sa kapareha. Makiramdam. Maging sensitibo sa nararamdaman niya. Ok lang kaya sa kanya? Masasaktan kaya siya? Maging empathic. Kung ako ang nasa kalagayan niya, ayos kaya? Laging isaalang-alang ang damdamin ng iyong partner.
Irespeto at unawain ang kapareha. Kung gusto niya, e, di, ok. Kung ayaw naman niya, igalang ang kanyang desisyon. Huwag ipilit ang gusto mo. May sariling isip at damdamin ang partner na dapat unawain at irespeto.
Maging tapat. Isa sa pinakaayaw ng sinumang tao ay ang sinungaling. Kapag may ipinangako ka, lagi at lagi mong tutuparin. Huwag na huwag mangako ng hindi matutupad. Kung hindi mo kaya, maging tapat ka sa kanya. Magpaliwanag nang maayos, at kung tunay siyang umiibig sa iyo, mauunawaan ka niya. Maging totoo’t tapat lang sa iyong naiisip at nararamdaman – basta’t isaalang-alang din ang naiisip at nararamdaman ng iyong partner.
Sa oras ng suliranin, pagtulungan ninyong dalawa ang lutasin ito. Walang problema ang di nalulutas sa magandang pag-uusap at pagpapasensya. Magkasama ninyong suriin at resolbahin ang anumang suliraning dumating. Walang relasyong hindi dumaraan sa pagsubok. Ang buhay, gaya ng karaniwang kasabihan, ay laging kakambal ang problema. Hindi exciting ang buhay ng tao kapag walang problema. Problema ang nagbibigay-kulay sa buhay, at ito ang nagpapatatag sa karakter ng tao. Gayundin sa bawat samahan o relasyon. Sa bawat pagsubok na inyong kakaharapin, isipin ninyong ito’y kaya ninyong lagpasan. Lalo nitong pagtitibayin ang inyong pagsasamahan.
Isa pang kailangan sa bawat relasyon ang pagtitiwala sa partner. Kung wala o kulang ka ng tiwala sa kanya, di kayo magtatagal. Iwasan ang pagseselos at pag-iisip ng hindi maganda o pagdududa sa partner. Kung tunay mo siyang mahal, ibigay mo ang buo mong tiwala sa kanya. At kung tunay ka niyang mahal, di niya sisirain ang pagtitiwala mong iyon.
Dapat ding tandaan ang pagkakapantay ng dalawang tao sa isang relasyon. Walang dapat na api, walang nakapangingibabaw. Kapwa kayo may karapatan at responsibilidad sa samahan. Hindi dapat mangyari na ang isa ay bigay nang bigay, habang ang isa ay tanggap nang tanggap. Oo nga’t ang tunay na pag-ibig ay di naghihintay ng anumang kapalit, ito’y unconditional, ito’y nagsasakripisyo. Ngunit di ibig sabihin na wala nang responsibilidad sa iyo ang kapareha mo. Minamahal mo nga siya, tunay ang pag-ibig mo, di ka umaasa ng kapalit, subalit siya nama’y di pansin ang pagmamahal mo o kaya’y sinasamantala niya – hindi magtatagal ang inyong relasyon. Wala na siyang pag-ibig sa iyo at dapat na wakasan na ang inyong samahan. Sa isang tunay at wagas na relasyon, ang dalawang tao ay nagmamahalan, at hindi ang isa lamang ang nagmamahal. Oo’t mahal mo siya – datapwat kung di ka mahal ay huwag nang ipilit ang sarili. Palayain siya, bumitiw sa relasyon, sapagkat lalo ka lang masasaktan kapag ipagpapatuloy mo.
Maraming dapat isaalang-alang para sa ikatatagal ng isang relasyon. Ngunit wala namang imposible basta’t ang dalawa ay tunay, tapat, at wagas ang pag-ibig sa isa’t isa.
—- Ay sus… Nagsalita ang walang karanasan at kamuwang-muwang sa pag-ibig. Tsk. Reflection paper lang ‘to sa isa kong sabjek last sem. Required, e. Kahit wala sa loob ko at wala akong kaide-ideya, nagmuni-muni ako at kung anu-anong kabaduyan ang aking pinagsusulat tungkol sa pag-ibig. Pagteteorya lang ang mga nasa itaas, kaya paumanhin na lamang kung napaka-’ideal’ or hindi makatotohanan. Hanggang mga teorya lang naman ako, e, isip nang isip, pero wala sa praktika. Napaka-inexperienced at walang magawa. Ay, ambot…
Pis!
Previous Comments
at kayo'y nagbabalik… salamat, G. kulisap, sa inyo pong muling pagdapo sa blog kong itetch…
may pa-talu-talulot pa kayo. hehe. lagi niyo na lamang pinadudugo ang ilong ko. hehe
Posted by xdalisayx at June 18, 2009, 8:20 pmIpagpaumanhin ngunit madalang pa sa patak ng ulan ang aking pagbisita sa iyong sayt.
Marami ka na namang sulatin at gustong gusto ko ng mabasa subalit ako ay naatasang magtrabaho muna dito sa Iloilo.
Magbabalik ako, pangako yan.
sO nicE kakaiN-lOve laLo grAbe kAsO mY pRoB aKoh sA paG-ibig!!!
Posted by lAdy hUrtEd at June 25, 2009, 11:52 pmsarAp tUlOy maGmAhAL!!!
Posted by lAdy huRted at June 25, 2009, 11:54 pmhay naku pag ibig ?pwde rin naman pero minsan nag bibigay ng pag luha sa mga tao ? di ba?
kailangan hanapin ang mga taong karapatdapat at di ka iiwan hahaha wla lang^^
Hehe. Tama ka, shashie… Napakamisteryoso talaga niyang pag-ibig na iyan…
Posted by xdalisayx at November 16, 2009, 9:22 pm;;;..hahaha dahil sapag - ibig na iyan nabuksan ko ulit ang aking puso…+jejejeje… sarado na sna dahil nabasa kng dalisay na ito nagkaroon tuloy akng panibagong pag…asang umibg ulit …. don parin sa inibg ko…hahahahah++…
Posted by Berlie at December 5, 2009, 3:25 pmWow, Berlie. Salamat at nabuksan ko iyang puso mo sa pamamagitan ng abang blog na ito…
Masarap umibig. Ang pag-ibig ay isa sa pinakamagagandang emosyon na maaaring maranasan ng isang tao sa buhay… Wag mong ipagkait sa sarili mo ang maramdaman mo ang mahiwagang bagay na iyan… Good luck. Hehehe.
hu.! 6n0n ba un.?
oh my goSh!!! inl0vE N6a AckUOe.
Hmm… 6nDa nmn Nyan PanAma tlga
Lal0 An Xuah Ak!n
napaka ganda tlga ang srAp BaSAh!n ‘p0Tah’
Hmmm… JukS!
Sna mabasa M0 2 mhal pa rin kita _ _ _ _ _ _…
kh8 my !ba Ka Nah HekHEk . . .
Sna Mrmi Pa ACkuOEng MAkiTang GnYan
PRa BaSAhin kUe Pa Ng baBAsah!n
kh8 MauBos ang lAWay Kue
ok lang! NaDadama Kue nmAn Eh.!
CgUE YnAts K!pSeyF . . .
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Posted by r0nAveL at January 12, 2010, 12:06 pmp0tang !Na niyo An6 panEt nAmn Nyan…
PuTah!!! Wla na bang Iba
Prang gag0 lang Ahh . . .
Posted by bhebz at January 12, 2010, 12:07 pmpag dumating ang ibig ay isang malaking problema sa buhay ng isang tao!!!
Posted by acar at February 12, 2010, 5:43 pmBhebz at Acar: Yan ang banat ng mga ‘bitter.’ Oks lang, nauunawaan ko naman. Ganyan din ako paminsan-minsan.
Posted by xdalisayx at February 13, 2010, 6:10 amhai….. n tamaan po ako sa snbi m po nung sa pnakdulo n tlaga ng mahal ako ng isang lalaki n nd nman ako gusto.. at ang msaklap ay my gf siya
Posted by fe at April 1, 2010, 11:40 amhai… tnx po sa pag post ng ang kailanga par sa mtagal n pag sasama …..susundin ko po ang iung payo….tnk muwwwwah
Posted by fe at April 1, 2010, 11:45 amWalang anuman fe. Mabuti at natamaan ko ang puso mo. Salamat sa pagbasa at pagkokomento. Napakasakit yung hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo. Awts, lupet. Kaya mo ‘yan!
Sonriendo ante la vida, usted se sentirá mundo realmente buena!
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Vibram fivefingers is a revolutionary,Men Vibram Five Fingers Kso back-to-basics design based on the simple principle that being barefoot is the healthiest way for you and your feet to be.Women Vibram Five Fingers Kso An ultra thin puncture resistant sole allows your feet to be as millions of years of evolutionary design intended - Barefoot!Five Fingers Komodo Sport MenThere are two stories about vibram fivefingers told my two people who have experiences Five Fingers Komodo Sport Women:1. Love my Vibram Bikila’s. Men Five Fingers FlowI’ve been running for 26 years faithfully every week and I switched to Vibrams 2 years ago due to ankle and knee pain.Womens Vibram Five Fingers Flow Black Shoes
I broke my ankle when I was younger and it would swell when I ran long distances. My knees were just cranky.Five Fingers Women’s Classic My orthopedic doctor recommended I switch to cycling.Five Fingers Men’s Classic Instead, I switched to Vibram’s. No more swelling,Men Five Fingers Bikila LS ankle or knee pain.My only advice is go slowly in making the transition from traditional running shoes to Vibram’s,Women Five Fingers Bikila LS even if you wear minimalist shoes like the Nike Free’s.Five Fingers Men’s Bikila I thought go slowly was meant for novice runners, so my first run was 4 miles. No big deal, until 4 am when I got out of bed and found my calves had muscles I did not know existed…ouch!Five Fingers Women’s Bikila Truly, go slowly, and alternate between traditional running shoes and Vibram’s. Vibram FiveFingers Bikila LS Grey/Blue/BlakI now only run in Vibram’s and did 11 miles yesterday in San Francisco with my daughter, just for fun, no ankle swelling, no knee aches, no pain.Womens Vibram Five Fingers Kso Skyblue BlackBeware though, they do get funny looks. A tourist on the Golden Gate Bridge took a picture of my feet yesterday as we ran past them!Cheers to all and to happy bare feet! DOMyang0101
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Romantiko ka pala dalisay, napakasarap mong pag-alayan ng wagas na pag-ibig ngunit nakapapanglaw kung ikaw ay iiwanan o paglalaruan.
Hindi ito reaction paper ngunit ito ang nais mo kapag ikaw ay nakakuha na ng kapareha sa buhay.
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Posted by J.Kulisap at June 18, 2009, 6:56 pm